I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize