Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
