Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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