I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
