Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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