Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
All the doctor said was why
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
