Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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