He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
