I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
