i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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