Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
