bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
