i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
