Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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