So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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