i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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