I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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