He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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