ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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