puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Send help, water and tortillas.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
