he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
