I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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