he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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