im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
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