i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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