I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
