Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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