Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
