i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
