He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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