I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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