textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
