And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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