I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
