Swine flu. Run for my life!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
