i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
