i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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