Jerry, you need to find god
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
