Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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