Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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