Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
