i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
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