Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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