just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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