Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
