oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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