I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
