Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
