I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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