oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
