I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
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