Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
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One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
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He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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