you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
