I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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