i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
