Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
