dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
