quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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