I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
