I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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