she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
