mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
