turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
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Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
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my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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