i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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