The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
