Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
