Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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