i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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