you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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