They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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