i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
