I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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