She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
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My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
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And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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