You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
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Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
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According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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