He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just want nice things and good sex
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
