I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
