Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
