Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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